Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Rules from My Nonsensical Dictatorship: Pumpkin Carving

  1. Thou shalt make no mark or incision on the pumpkin's exterior with anything other than the carving instrument.
  2. Thou shalt make no cut on the pumpkin which does not pierce through to the hollow interior, later to admit the light of the flame.
  3. The use of guides or stencils is strictly forbidden.
  4. Thou shalt discard any section of the pumpkin cut free, preferably in fire.
  5. Addition of any non-pumpkin material, such as paint or accessories, is strictly forbidden.
  6. Thou shalt use no light source other than open flame. Concern for fire prevention in lantern-lighting is frowned upon.
  7. Thou shalt take no undue care to keep the lantern safe from vandals. All pumpkins are offered as sacrifice to vandalism, and the night.
  8. When rot or vandalism end a lantern's life, please, consider composting. Disposal by fire is also acceptable.
  9. Thou shalt eat of the seeds of any pumpkin you carve, and reflect briefly on kuru.
  10. Carving of non-pumpkin gourds and squashes, while not strictly forbidden, may merit surveillance from the local authorities.

No comments:

Post a Comment